Yes,
it's that magical time of the year again
when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring
the least evolved among us. Here then,
are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed
to fire at his intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be
robber James Elliot did something that can
only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This
time it worked..... And now, the honorable
mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland
lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine
and, after a little shopping around, submitted
a claim to his insurance company. The company
expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried
the machine and he also lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an
hour to clear a space for his car during
a blizzard in Chicago returned with his
vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an
illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was
supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then
delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were
very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies The deception wasn't discovered
for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the
hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked
how he received the injuries, the
lad told police that he was simply trying
to see how close he could get his head to
a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K,
put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened
the cash drawer, he man pulled a gun
and asked for all the cash in the register,
which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The
total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some
beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinderblock through a
liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and
heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinderblock bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught
on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New
York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately,
and the woman was able to give them
a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the
snatcher. They put him in the car
and drove back to the store. The thief was
then taken out of the car and told
to stand there for a positive ID. To which
he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's
the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column
reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m.,
flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said
he couldn't open the cash register without
a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available
for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
away.
******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon
gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle
street, he got much more than he bargained
for. Police arrived at the scene to
find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police
spokesman said that the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and plugged his
siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press charges, saying
that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering human
kind please share these with your friends
and family ... unless of course one of these
10 individuals by chance is a distant relative
or long lost friend. In that case be glad
they are distant and hope they remain lost.
