? I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned
that most people
die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant to pull on
it. If it comes out
of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the
house is to buy a
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which
one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for
anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble
down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying
in hospitals dying
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these
days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It
pays no attention
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come
to realize that it bears a very close resemblance
to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there
a song about him?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on
all fours? They're
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks
his head out the
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make
it arrive faster?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle??
Do you ever
wonder why you gave me your email address?