"Better than Dear Abby advice"

 

Never read the fine print.
There ain't no way you're going to like it.
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If you let a smile be your umbrella,
then most likely your butt will get soaking wet.
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The only two things we do with greater frequency
in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.
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The trouble with bucket seats is that
not everybody has the same size bucket.
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To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely.
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Do you realize that in about 40 years,
we'll have thousands of old ladies running
around with tattoos and belly button rings.
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Money can't buy happiness --
but somehow it's more comfortable
to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.
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Drinking makes some husbands
see double and feel single.
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Living in a nudist colony takes
all the fun out of Halloween.
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After a certain age,
if you don't wake up aching in every joint,
you are probably dead.
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As usual,
if you don't forward this to 5 of your friends
within the next 5 minutes,  your belly button will fall off. 
Really... it's true!  Have I ever lied to you?

 

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